I’ve lost a lot of motivation lately to do almost anything and it’s taken a toll on my mind for the longest time and if I’m going to be honest, I’m so tired of everything.
I’ve lost motivation to write stories, to do homework, to do simple things really and I can’t find anything to make me emotive as I used to be. I tried fooling around with friends at school, playing games, admiring kenma, but I’ve come to the quick conclusion that it really only keeps me happy in that tiny moment of time and after it’s over, I don’t look back at it and think ‘wow, that was the most fun I’ve ever had.’
Even my writing has gotten worse, but whose to say it was good in the first place, I’m not exactly putting my one hundred percent in this as I usually do with my stories.
BTS, Bangtan Sonyeondan (방탄소년단), as cheesy as it sounds really did Save Me. Meaning I cried at the lyrics for a good hour or so and came to realize that they really are as meritorious as everyone says they are. Or perhaps I’ve just fallen too deep into idol hell once again. I mean, I’m listening to BTS as I’m writing this blog post; god I’m so ridiculous. I don’t know what it is about their music and lyrics but I really fell head over heels for them but in a positive way (I suppose). I’ve gotten some energy back, I can hear my heart beating clearly, I feel alive.
Their latest song, Spring Day brought tears to my eyes and made me shake like a child all alone in the cold; chills sent down my spine in a way that only ever happens when you know you’ve gained something that has been lost from you for an eternity and holding that special something in your hands made you realize that life really is beautiful. Seeing their faces filled with the most powerful emotion that I will never see again in this lifetime really showed me what I was missing in my life and those lyrics, oh god those lyrics, I felt like I was shot in the heart and left alone to die. I won’t reveal what those lyrics meant to me cause that’s a bit personal (as if this short blog post wasn’t already) but their words really do make me cry and shake like the fool I am.
Snowflakes fall down
And get away little by little
I miss you (I miss you)
I miss you (I miss you)
How long do I have to wait
And how many sleepless nights do I have to spend
To see you (to see you)
To meet you (to meet you)