Inspirations are as followed in no particular order: Louis XIV, Min Yoongi, and others yet not found…
I’ve been trying to settle with myself for the past 17 years and nothing I do seems to be a permanent solution to satisfaction. Everyone around me seems to have everything figured out and they’re content with themselves and what they plan to do in the future. I have never been content with myself and I do not know if what I want to do in the future will ever be accomplished successfully.
This might just be me screaming into the void about my mental health problems but in all respect, I’ve gotten tired of it. My birthday is coming up soon and for the past couple of years I haven’t cared for those birthdays as much as I used to probably because I’m afraid of what is coming for me in my love hate relationship with the void that I dread yet yearn for.
I don’t want to be a sheep like everyone else in this damned world but I don’t want to fall down the wrong road and yes, we learn from failure and become “a better person” after it but failure for me has followed me since the beginning and it’s a cycle that I can’t seem to get rid of.
When I went to the beach a few days ago, staring into the ocean made me realize all these dumb things I’m saying and who I wanted to be. Louis XIV lived a life of splendor and ruled in a time of French history that I consider a Golden Age, he is the successful monarch I fantasized of being as a child. Min Yoongi (oh I could go all day about him) went through the longest hell to become the rapper he is today and that determination and sight on his dream that he was able to make reality is what I desire.
Hiding away from the world and just being alone in my purest form is what’s ideal. A few day’s, a few week’s, a month even would suffice if I could just leave all those “problems” behind, overcome the restrains of the void and into the adept, happy person that I’ve dreamed for since I was a child.